I'm a Freak Magnet!

Last weekend, The BFF and I drunkenly decided it would be fun to join one of those free dating sites. Wanna read of some of the messages I've received?

1. Kennwoo, 43, Bulgaria
Subject: i dont- like you...i love your photos!
my name is kenny..and i wish..wish..to know you!
spring-time..so nice!
i wish for good..i am-good..and with all respect--i will be happy..if you talk to me.
have the-best-week..in the world.(i hope..you will trust-me?)

Dear Kenny,
I'm glad you love my photos, even though you don't like me. But since you wish..wish..to know me and will be happy if I talk to you, here's a message since I am-good also.
You will be pleased to know that I am having a great week. Maybe not the 'best week..in the world' but still, it's going well.
And no, I don't trust-you. Creep.
Nic

2. Renksi, 19, UK
Subject: hey hey
i was gonna "woo" you just because i havent done it before. But i decided against it. 15% enemy, wanna be my arch nemesis? or arent you evil enough?

Dear Renski,
Bring it on.
Nic

3. Arrivas, 28, Italy
Subject: hello madam :)
hi :))
By the way sorry for madam:) you are not that old to be a madam..you are still mademoiselle i think:)... I entered this site coz of boringness:)..and saw you here..how is life going on there??What r u doing for living?..I am Engineer in Automotive industry..Do you have job?This site is so slow for chatting i think..do we use any bottom for continues chatting from here???I could not find:(..If you have MSN or Yahoo messenger we can talk from there..that would be better..if yes can you give me your ID?:) hope to hear from you soon..
XXXX

Dear Arrivas,
Unfortunately I do not use any bottom for continues chatting from here.
Nic

4. rsb7865, 43, UK
Subject: Hello
Hi
how are you doing today.
what sort of person are you looking for.
hope to hear from you soon.

Dear rsb7865,
One that has heard of question marks.
Nic

5. Jimmy_McNulty, 26, Turkey
Subject: A quite unusual message.
Hello there, Miss.
It seems like you're an interesting person, and I feel like we could have fun together.
What was I saying? Unusual? Oh, yes. So, here's the deal: After a long time abroad, I'm back in Istanbul, chilling for a while. And this is my parents' beach house in Bodrum here in Turkey, down South by the Mediterranean: http://www.cammekan.net/eng/aktiviteler.asp
They recently moved there. But they're away traveling, and I have the whole place to myself from April the 17th to the 30th, which means good times are in order. If you feel like having a cool last minute trip with a good bit of sightseeing, just let me know and feel free to grab a flight whenever you'd like between those dates. Bodrum has much more to offer than its party-town image in Europe -- off the top of my head, the Museum of Underwater Archaeology is world renowned, and a cool exhibition from a New York artist that I will check out is about to start.
It's up to you to make it a weekend, a long weekend, or more. Feel free to bring friends along. The plane ticket will probably be the only thing you'll spend money on, as the house is already stuffed with good food and drinks. Flights between Europe and Bodrum are affordable, as lots of European vacationers head over there for the summer. www.flypgs.com usually has cheap tickets as well.

Dear Jimmy,
Thank you for the invitation. I would love to fly halfway across the world to stay with a stranger in a hotel you call your 'parents' beach house'. I agree, we could definitely have fun together. There's nothing I enjoy more than being raped by Turks.
I'm booking my ticket right now...see you soon!
Nic